Really Bad Advice From Ellie at The Toronto Star

Normally, my eyes just glaze over when I see advice columns in the newspaper, but for some reason, this column by advice columnist Ellie in the Toronto Star really got under my skin. It irritated me so much, that I thought I would post it here and see if anyone else has any thoughts on the matter.

The letter came from a person who is very distressed about the deterioration in his wife's appearance over time, to the point where he is disgusted by her. The writer doesn't say exactly what the "changes" are, but that people stare at his wife in public, and that he wants to be supportive, but that he can't imagine a future without physical intimacy.

Ellie's idiotic advice is basically that this guy is a selfish turkey, and that hey-it's not all about him! His wife is 'silently crying out for help', and that the best thing this cad could do is get her looking better so that she can leave him!

I wish I could write directly to this guy and say-hey buddy-Ellie's advice SUCKS completely.The way we present ourselves to the public is very important. The way we dress, and groom ourselves, the choices that we make about our appearance-these are not small matters. The reason this advice sucks so badly is that Ellie is acting as an enabler for the wife who appears to have let herself go completely. Instead of encouraging the husband to discuss the issue directly with his wife, and to have a frank and honest discussion about how her appearance is a turn-off, she dumps on the husband-who clearly does want to have an intimate relationship with wife, but is frankly disgusted by her appearance right now. He's not disgusted by her personality-but with the way she is presenting herself to the world, and to him.

There is no encouragement for personal responsibility, and for good grooming, exercise and fashionable clothes, hair and make-up. There is no bone thrown to the guy to let him know that hey-you're not the only man who has gone through this, and yes-your wife should care about what she looks like. This is a classic blame the man story-and I found it disgusting.

I've been pregnant, and then worked like a dog to lose the weight. I work and have kids and still find the time to work out and stay healthy-I do it for myself-it's my personal therapy and the spin-off effect is that I am a happier, healthier person for my whole family.

This column would certainly go down in my books as one of the crappiest advice posts that I've ever seen. It should not be taboo to say that physical appearance is critically important-that means doing the best, the very best, with what you've got and getting the best advice about being the best "you" that you can be.