True Confessions.

I have a confession to make.

I think I'm very smart.

I also think I give really good advice.

I try to stay away from gratuitous advice, and only give advice when I'm asked. Even then, I only like to give advice to people who I think can handle it. Not in a mean way, but in an honest way that I think will actually help.

I know I have helped a lot of people-just by looking at things in a very real, not-sugar-coated manner, but not in a destructive way.

The other thing is I don't go back for second helpings from assholes or people who clearly enjoy their misery.

I put those people on "dump" or "ignore" and it's tough for them.

I ain't a social worker.

Anyway, as smart as I think I am, and as much as I truly loath the "helpy" people (especially social workers and psychologists) this shrink-"Dr. Lastname" is a truly super smart person and I really love his or her advice.

This is a recent gem-but if you have time, read some of the other items.

I feel like I know this person, I think it even sounds like me.

Just a treasure of smart thinking, good advice and wise thoughts.

Re-shitty past life events such as abuse: "Many people feel that overcoming trauma requires, at some point, a kind of “truth and reconciliation” procedure, or at least a public acknowledgment of truth, before it’s possible to move on. As loyal readers know, I am not most people"

"The very fact that having your abuse experience validated would feel so good (that’s why it plays well on TV) tells you that expecting validation is dangerous. That’s because of what happens when validation is impossible, which it is, 99.9% of the time."

"As you’ve experienced yourself, your abuser has his/her own view of reality, or doesn’t care. There are no witnesses, or witnesses have their own reasons for covering up or choosing sides. So validation usually brings back the pain, and the satisfaction, if any, is brief."

"What you need is not validation, but what you already have: the strength to believe in your own point of view and deal with your parents accordingly, which is what you’re doing. You’re carrying out your policy of having as little contact with your parents as necessary for minimizing conflict and maintaining overall family connections."

"To do that, without outside support is a real achievement, just like creating your own family despite your traumatic history. Focus on that, because that’s all the “truth and reconciliation” you need."