The Top Five Reasons Why It Sucks to Be An Antisemite

1) POISON: Having anti-Semitic bile running through your veins generally poisons your ability to enjoy many other of the simple pleasures of life. Most anti-Semites are so angry so much of the time that it is hard for them to feel joy about anything. The ugliness of the soul tends to bleed into the general appearance. How many people truly worth banging do you usually see at the average “anti-Israel” demonstration, on college campuses or in the Middle East? Conversely, how many genuinely hot babes or guys really want to bang the average pro-Palestinian demonstrator? They might be easier lays, but they are definitely the “moped” types.

2) GENERALLY MAKES YOU A BUM: So much of your time is spent figuring ways to blame the Jews that your productivity generally suffers. It’s hard to maintain a real job when you need to be putting so much effort into your latest anti-Semitic conspiracy theories and attending all of the anti-Jewish functions and demonstrations wherever you live (or posting on the internet or writing letter to the editor).

3) WE DON’T REALLY CARE: Most Jews don’t actually give a shit what you think. Sure, there are the liberal ones who think that they can either buy your love, or eat enough bacon cheeseburgers and calamari to prove they are just as goyish as you, but most of us don’t really care that you hate us. In fact, some of us find it wildly exciting and even moderately arousing that we can literally torment you just by existing. That is SO COOL.

3) HISTORY IS A RUTHLESSLY BITCHY MISTRESS, PERHAPS EVEN A JEWESS:

Generally speaking, the societies that have fucked over their Jews (murder, torture, forced conversions, pogroms, genocides, expulsions, etc..) have either been sucked into the toilet bowl of history, or not done particularly well in the post-Jew era. Societies that have been good to Jews have generally prospered. That’s not likely to change (*waves at Europe*).

4) WE DON’T NEED YOUR FAVORS ANYMORE:

Despite your best efforts, Israel and the Jews are not going to disappear. We have a country now, and an army and a navy and an air force and even a nuclear bomb. You can hate us as much as you want, but that’s really your problem, and not ours. We have outlasted the Greeks, the Romans, the Spanish Inquisition, Russian pogroms and the Nazis and we’ll outlast you, too. And that’s a promise, so fuck you.

5) AM YISRAEL CHAI, BABY:

Google it.